I Am...

The past four years I've really tried to find out who I am. Moving away from home and having the opportunity to re-invent myself Freshman year was quite refreshing. I'm not sure that a lot a lot changed, but these are some of the following things I think I am:

• a student
• an English major
• a daughter
• a sister
• a friend
• a good listener
• a roommate to five wonderful women
• someone who loves to sing
• a writer
• a baker
• an aspiring seamstress
• a dreamer
• someone who enjoys being crafty
• a bargain hunter
• smiley
• a big nerd who really enjoys editing people's papers
• a feeler who is really bent out to be a thinker (thanks Myers-Briggs)
• someone who doesn't really like being defined by tests but succumbs to it when it seems necessary
• a former swimmer
• a student assistant at the front desk of Administration and Finance
• a closet fashonista
• someone who loves knowledge but sometimes places too much value in it
• a leader with InterVarsity Christan Fellowship
• a lover of (not-so) guilty pleasures
• a lime popsicle connoisseur

As I sit and think about all these things I cannot help but to wonder if this is how I should be looking at myself. Is this the real me? Am I seeing past the rose-colored glasses? What about the Tamsen who can be too much of an idealist and tires herself out far too often? What about the Tamsen who tries to think the best of people and wears her heart on her sleeve which can often lead to a bruise? What about the Tamsen who cannot stand when people bicker over silly things and makes snide remarks with her sharp tongue? What about the rationale-loving Tamsen who can be so heartless at times? Am I allowed to re-invent these parts?

Shouldn't all these things simply fade away in the glory of the One who made me?

2 Corinthians 5:17:

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.

We're Growing Up.

I'm graduating in May. Today I officially agreed to dedicate the next year of my life to campus ministry with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship at Sonoma State University. It feels good to know what I'm doing for the next year!
I was just replying to an email my friend Aimee sent me and reflecting on life. She just graduated from Cal Baptist in December and is leaving in early May for Cambodia. She will be working with an organization that combats human trafficking on a variety of levels. It seems like Aimee and I haven't really known each other that long, but in reality we've been good friends for five years.
Our friends from SSU Katie and Phil just got engaged last Thursday. I was talking to our friend Heather and she has known Katie since 7th grade. She said all she could think about when Katie told her was the first time they met in junior high and Katie was running around the hallways all awkward in leggings.
Earlier this week I was thinking about the first time I met all my current roommates. Freshman year, we were all scared and strange little 18 year olds on their own for the first time, looking for a friend. There is no way we would have though that some of us would spend the next four years together. How much I will miss the ones who are moving on!
O how the Lord has blessed me with good friends and wonderful fellowship in my life! He is growing us into men and women who follow after the calling of the Gospel. Aimee will literally be setting the captives free with her ministry in Cambodia. Phil, along with one of my long-time roommates Ashley, will continue to preach the Gospel of repentance and forgiveness of sins at Santa Rosa Junior College. My roommate Jen is choosing to enter into Sonoma's Multiple Subjects Credential program in hopes of creating change through early education. By the love of the Lord and following the movements of the Spirit the world will be changed.

Good Good

This past week I've just been reminded time and time again how good God can be.

Its been really nice.

I like these reminders.

How has God been Good in your life recently?

Beach Scenes

Some friends and I went to the beach a couple of months ago and had a blast! Hope you enjoy the pictures.

I played around on the computer with this one, the origional is pretty cool, too.

Another one I "fixed." The sharpening effect works great!

Splashin' in the surf.

Everyone loves a jumping picture (even if there are strangers in the background).

So glad Robbie brought his skimboard!

Our resident surfer, Kevin.

The lifeguards made this one.

A Bigger Kingdom

This morning I woke up and made some pancakes. Before I started, I wanted to put on something to listen to before I started, just loud enough for me to hear but also just quiet enough to not wake the sleeping roommates. As I was flipping though my CD case, I came upon my Caedmon's Call Share the Well album. I bought it four years ago when I was a freshman, and it still remains one of my favorite CDs of all time.
So I threw it in our stereo and started making pancakes. The album was inspired by the group's trips to India, Brazil, and Ecuador. They decided that it was important to incorporate the different cultural qualities into their music. As well as inviting some of the natives to sing and perform on the album with them, the band wrote songs about not only the love of God, but also the love of God in the face of poverty and social injustice.
My favorite track of the album is International Love song. It goes like this:

Can I take your picture, put it in my billfold
You’ll never believe where I will take you
Can I have your headband, put it in my suitcase
You know I’m always gone before I think to thank you
I’m a soul that wanders in the field between
The Hyatt and the Leela
Empty as a tiffen in the afternoon

A perfect love is a world without hunger
A perfect love is a world without hunger

Freckles on your forehead, twinkle in your eye
You look just like my true love
Is she in your village when can I meet her
She’s so indigenously dressed, You’re so indigenously dressed

I’m a thumb that wanders through the pages of
The National Geographic
Staring at my cell phone in an airport lounge

A perfect love…Maybe I’ll stay here…is a world without hunger
Maybe I’ll take you home
A perfect love…Where do we go from here…is a world without hunger

You know a perfect love is a world without hunger
I’ve never seen it
I’ve never heard of it before
But I keep on looking for
A world without hunger

Cricket for baseball, polo for golf…
Curry for ketchup and barbeque sauce…
Lookin’ to find a reason to shine…
Waitin’ in rickshaws standing in line
Or wandering through the field between
The Hyatt and the Leela
Empty as a tiffen…

As I sit and think about the words, I cannot help but to think that I will never know the constraints of hunger and poverty. Never will I truly experience it for myself. Never will I be fearful of going hungry, starving, or drinking contaminated water on a consistent basis.
But for more than two0thirds of the world, this is not the case. Thousands die each day due to preventable diseases and hunger. Should this not push our hearts towards compassion and empathy? Should we not be good stewards of what we have been blessed with and work towards a world that is without hunger? A world without sin?
"A perfect love is a world without hunger." If all the Christians in the world loved so well, cared for their neighbors well and put others above themselves, this could be a reality. We should be seeing things like social injustice through Kingdom Eyes-seeing the love of God for all people, no matter geographical or social positions. Past sins are forgotten by the Love of the Son (John 4, John 8) and lives are changed. Should we not do the same?
There is a bigger Kingdom in which we are neither rulers or kings. We are subjects to the Most High God, who rules with justice and grace. We are simply beggars showing others where to find food. All are invited to the feast, all are welcome to the table. We need to be ready to receive fully what the Lord has blessed us with and be ready to receive and share His provision.
Jesus is all I need.

I'm a Poet?

This is a poem that I wrote in my grammar class. Though you would enjoy it!

The deadly toaster sits under the shelf of teacups.
It faithfully electrifies my owner when it rains.
The shiny contraption burns the fresh bagels,
Its old mechanics toasts too much
Everything it comes in contact with.
It is a sturdy box that heats the counter underneath.
The bulwark slowly cools,
The useful tool breaks for the last time.
So long, old friend!

It's Official!

Well friends, I finally turned it in.
"What did you turn in, Tamsen?" you may be asking.
My intern application for InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, that is!
Upon my graduation, I hope to do part-time campus ministry with IVCF. I have my interview on March 20th where I'll be discussing my application with the area director and the team leader as SSU. The same day I'll be finding out where I'll be placed! Yay!

Happy Mardi Gras, People.

Yes, Lent starts tomorrow.
No, I'm not going to stay up all night doing the thing that I've decided to give up.
I'm convinced that Lent has turned into simply an excuse to party on a Tuesday.
I didn't grow up in a church that participated in Lent and didn't really have a chance to experience it for myself until my freshman year of college. Even then, I didn't really do it for the sake of giving up something for God, I did it because one of my roommates was Catholic and wanted to try out a bit of church tradition for myself.
Either way, I've decided to keep participating in Lent ever since, but my attitude around it has changed. As far as I understand it, Lent is supposed to be a time (40 days) that you spend in sacrifice of one thing or another that has the chance to lead you away from the Lord. Its an extended period of fasting, but not necessarily from food. My first Lent I somehow convinced a whole bunch of people to give up drinking all liquids save water, which was really hard since I was (and still am) addicted to tea and the chocolate milk in the cafeteria. Sophomore year I gave up bad posture (this was an inspiration from my friend Robbie, he always has immaculate posture). I don't even remember what I gave up last year. But this year I think things will be different.
I'm giving up being busy. I do a lot of things. Not necessarily that they are bad things, but I can get stressed out and forget to rest. We see that rest is a common thing in the Bible, and God even mandates it in one of the Ten Commandments (remember something about the Sabbath? Day of rest? Oh yeah!). I think this is a way that God wants his people to be well taken care of. If we were to just go running around like a chicken with it's head cut off all the time, then we would forget the Lord's goodness and how he cares for us.
So instead of purposefully forgetting to put things on my to-do list, I've decided that I will try to make it more manageable and stop looking at it every hour of the day. I've been learning recently that if we really want God to be moving in our relationships and growing us and others, then we need to have time in our schedules for God to "interrupt" our plans. We should welcome any divine inconvenience that comes our way.
So happy Mardi Gras, and an even happier Lent. May the Lord Jesus Christ bless His people!

"Return, O my soul, to your rest; for the LORD has dealt bountifully with you!" Psalm 116:7

Meditate Please.

Richard Wurmbrand writes:
"Learn to read the Bible slowly, breathing rhythmically, with pauses to put in the correct accents. In this way you can immerse yourself in the spirit in which the Bible was written, and thus be able to participate in the Oneness which is its essence" (100 Prison Meditations).
How foolish I've been! For years I've expected my daily fulfilment of the Word to come from the five minutes I read while eating my cereal in the morning. I've been reading the Bible all wrong.
The Word gives instruction on itself. One must sit, think, reflect, and meditate on the words of the LORD. Psalm 1 says, "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners;, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night (vs 1,2).
Pretty sure the last time I meditated on the Word was...um...never.
Sure, I've read some of it over multiple times, studied it, pulled out my Bible dictionary and commentary in hopes of understanding it better. Instead I've cultivated a habit of laziness and spiritual poverty. I've cheated myself of the very thing that brings me closer to Him.
I used to wonder why, when reading of conversion stories in the New Testament, my soul has been so unmoved. Certainly I have experienced this joy and redemption for myself, but why has it not moved me to tell others? Often I've marveled at the story of the Samaritan woman at the well. She experiences Jesus once and tell s the whole town. John recounts this story in his gospel: "Many Samaritans from that city believed in him because of the woman's testimony...(4.39).
Have I not felt the same spirit pull my wicked soul from the depths of Sheol? Have I not too been redeemed? How much more her faith is than mine!
I have been unmoved because I have refused to meditate on the precepts of the LORD. I have expected my cup to be filled with living water, all the while forgetting to dip it into the well.

This is from December! Oops.

I was going through my journal and realized that I hadn't posted this. I think its good, so here it is!

As I reflect back on the past few weeks, I started to realize that I've been crying a lot. Its not because I've been upset or sad, but because I've been grateful for the ways the LORD has been moving in my life. Time and time again the LORD's goodness has overwhelmed me and I cannot hold back the tears.
How good He is to us all! He loves us for who we are, the wretched sinner who everyday betrays her Beloved. I mourn over my sin and weep with gladness at the forgiveness I've found. The LORD is a God of redemption and love, punishing me with grace. In no way do I deserve any of the things which He so abundantly gives. I run and I struggle, kick against the goads, only to find they are keeping me on the narrow and straight. When I see my wounds, He is there to bandage them. When I sin, He is ready to forgive. When I run away, He waits eagerly for my return.
Praise be to God for the forgiveness of sin and redemption of souls! Shout His name with gladness, for His steadfast love is great!