Saturday, June 23, 2007

Conversing With A Homeless Man

I was told that God is a claustrophobic. That is the reason He created the world.
I was sitting down at a place in San Francisco's Tenderloin district with some friends back in February. We were told to engage with the homeless and be ready to listen to their stories. An Italian man sat between my friend Matt and myself and proceeded to ask us (out of the blue) why Jesus was killed. Matt told the man it was so that His name could be glorified. Somehow that spurred on conversation about Creation. Jesus, as the man called himself, said that when God created the world it was because He was bored and lonely. So as He was sitting on His heavenly bathroom (one can only think of how one was there before the creation of the world), God thought the world into creation and so it became. He kept talking and talking, not letting us get a word in edgewise. He then proceeded to tell us that God does not care for any of us since there is a war going on. I now cannot even recall exactly what he was telling us, but it saddened me. Matt's face was devastated. We had before us a man who would not allow himself to be loved by the One who had created him. He finished preaching to us and walked away laughing. There was nothing left for us to do but watch silently, our mournful eyes following him as he entered back onto the streets that he called home.

Monday, June 18, 2007

On Having Surgery

So exactly a week ago I had surgery on my feet. I had what is technically called a "Bi-Lateral Bunionectomy," but I call it "getting my feet sliced open and bone getting taken out." AKA slightly painful. So here are some pictures of the aftermath:

This is me resting with my feet up so that the swelling will go down.

Showing off my new kicks

Don't be alarmed, I really did use that walker for three whole days. And I also spent three whole days in my pajamas. It was wonderful!

So as I am spending the entire summer (Or at least until mid to late July) at home recuperating, I obviously have a lot of time to read and think a do pretty much whatever I want. I guess that this is the closest I'll ever get to retirement, at least before I actually have a career. Don't be fooled, it isn't as easy as it seems.

I've learned that its hard not having a routine. The first couple of days was good, because I hadn't gotten used to the pain medication that I was taking and itt would knock me out for two whole hours every time I took it. So I slept the normal 8 hours at night, plus another 4-6 hours during the day. That is what I imagined a dog's life to be like: Wake up, eat, go to the bathroom, play a little, go back to sleep. Repeat. Then when I switched to the lower dose, I spent my entire day reading. Wonderful! An English major's dream-wake up and read all day. So far I've finished Pride&Prejudice, Sense&Sensibility, and also the Great Divorce. Oh, and Where the Sidewalk Ends. All within a week. But even then it started to wear on me. I have to find something to do.

So I guess what I'm saying is this: its hard for me to rest for extended periods of time. I need to do something productive. Reading is productive, but even for me after 7 days of doing nothing else, it wears me out. You only have so many people that you can call, and only so many minutes on your cell phone plan. I need a new hobby. Or just a very large sewing project. Or maybe I should start to write a novel. But November actually is the National Novel Writing Month. Maybe I'll postpone it until then.

No matter what I do, I still will try to make the best of things and keep moving on. I have school to look forward to in August, and new feet too! I get to take the bandages off on Thursday while I'm at the doctor's office and actually see them. Perhaps things will be more interesting then...I'll have something new to look at!

Monday, June 4, 2007

Things I Need

I need to actually live what I believe. Feed the poor. Clothe the naked. Cry with the brokenhearted. Fight for justice and what I know is right. Follow my convictions as the Spirit leads. I need to have a heart change. Learn to love people the way that God loves them, compassionately and in practical ways. Help them to survive this world and into the next.
I need to tithe as I should, frequently giving what has already been so generously given to me. Giving full control of my future and stop trying to make plans myself is necessary and needed.
I need to continually show people that wisdom comes from the LORD alone and that it is not mine. I need to continually give the glory and honor to whom it is due, not to myself. Often I think that I am wise and that I have a teachable heart, but it is only because the Father has created me to be this way. It is none of my doing, rather what His creation is playing out to be.
I need to learn all I can about Him in order to love Him more. Ask for insight, ask questions when understanding is lacking. Ask Him to teach me to love Him more, to follow all His ways. I need to learn His commandments and actually follow them. I need to live life as radical as that of Jesus.
I need to preach the Gospel, love the Lord, and love my neighbor.
I need to truly recognize God for who He is and believe and act upon what I profess to believe. Truly understand the sacrifices He made for me and gladly sacrifice what He desires of me. Giving Him my future, present, and past, my dreams, hopes, days and nights, giving Him my alabaster and oil, saving it for Him. Let no one rebuke me for my sacrifices, for my deeds will be recorded.
I need to respond to the crucifixion. I respond to it with thankfulness and gladness of heart. With sorrow and empathy. With confusion and understanding due to the limitations of a fallen spirit. The complexity of the Gospel can be summed up into one word: Love. I need to do this.
Lord let not the knowledge of they love be wasted on me!