.ilovehiking.

For my birthday (which, don't worry, was in August), I requested a pair of hiking boots. My parents decided that instead of buying a pair I didn't like or want, they would just give me some money and I could pick them out myself. Good plan! I love my boots!

My friend Matt worked at REI at the time and helped me pick them out. Honestly, I felt a little silly climbing up on the fake rock to test them out, but its still fun. I just wish it was bigger!

My first trip was to Hood Mountain Regional Park. It is beautiful up there! I went by myself (don't tell my mom!) in the middle of the week. I had wanted to be better about spending longer periods of time in silence and solitude in order to be better at listening to God. The times in the past I have done it have been very refreshing and insightful, so I was looking forward to doing it again. I had had a really strange and slightly disturbing dream a few days before that brought up some things to think and pray through, so I left my house anticipating somewhat of an emotionally hard day. As excited as I was to be outdoors spending lots of time with Jesus, I was a little nervous about what He was going to bring up.

I drive and drive and drive up this one mountain until I think I miss the turn, until I finally see the signs for the park. Praise Jesus! I didn't get lost. I'm currently the only car in the parking lot. Perfect.

I throw on my backpack full of lunch, water, journal, and bible. I start to walk to the trailhead, and making sure that no one is near to think that I am a crazy person talking to myself, I start to pray aloud. I asked God to be working in the harder parts of my life, to be healing the bruised spots in my heart from a previous relationship, and to show me where to move forward. But, to my surprise, this day of contemplation was not what the Lord had planned for me. I found that my mind and my heart was not fully immersed in that prayer. My spirit was discontent with being contemplative in that manner. I found myself grinning ear to ear as I wandered up and down the mountain, by the creek, hopping the stream, and walking in the meadows. Even when I was getting my butt kicked by a particularly steep section of the trail, I literally was giddy. My heart could not dream of being discontent while I was doing something so enjoyable! God was working in my heart a spirit of refreshment and of joy.

The heavens declare the glory of God, and they sky above proclaims his handiwork. Psalm 19:1

Enjoy my day with me.

The Beginning



He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters. Psalm 23:2




This is where I ate my lunch and stared out at the hills.



Pretty thistles



And the very tired but happy hiker.

Some Late Night Poetry

Sometimes good writing can happen at inopportune times...like when I want to sleep. But then when it is done, I don't regret spending some more time awake.

Tulips in the spring
Slowly wake up
They send out feelers
From the ground
Through the snow and dirt.
Thick stalky leaves wink at the sun
Looking forward to the coming of seasons.

As the snow melts away
The leaves and stems grow
To be a support and a pedestal
For a colorful bloom.
February has marched into April,
The temperature warms, and she always
Turns her face towards the sun.

But the sun turns on her
And withers first her velvety petals,
Stealing the crown of beauty
That once sat upon her long neck.
As May turns to June, almost all is lost.

There she lies, a mere shadow
And lump of brown root.
Her Gardner thought once or twice
Of excavating, of unearthing from the
Dirt filled niche,
But that was too long ago. He has
Forgotten.

Forgotten still, she sits through
SummerAutumnWinter.
The hardened shell keeps her safe,
Protected,
Warm, comforted.
There is nothing.
Just a shell of what used to be.

And with time comes Spring.
And with death there is life.
And with Spring comes tulips.

The Brain Train: Thoughts on Really Loving People

Brain Train: my mind goes on random tangents. I thought I would invite you all onto a recent trip my brain went on. For the summer I am living with a dear friend, but only for a few weeks until the apartment I am moving into more permanently for is ready for me. There was a small amount of tension when I moved in with one of the other girls, and my friend and I were talking about how hard it can be to really love someone well. This is my train.

Isn't it funny how loving people can be such a hard thing to do? If it is such a good thing, then why must we be willing to get torn apart for doing it? It's a risky thing, love. Even between friends, true friends, it can be hard. It seems as if I learn more and more that God's command to love seems very simple. In the beginning I do believe that it was so, but the moment sin walked in, it became a double edged sword. We can lust after the control it can give us, we can depend on the improper use and abuse of it, we use it to love ourselves and not others. And sometimes when we use it for good, it can end up hurting others as well when others react hard to the truth. It is love that puts the knife to the tumor, and love that pins the patient down without anesthesia. There are no drugs against the kind of pain that true love can make us feel; we are losing a very intimate part of ourselves when we die to our sins. Once gone, we want it back, we long for it, we feel as a part of ourselves is missing. And in fact, part of us is missing. But it was the part that wasn't supposed to be there anyways...

Thanks for riding along. May God teach us all to love well and to be loved.

What's In A Name? Well, Lots of Things.

Recently I have given a lot of thought to what it means to name something; in particular, children. Perhaps it's because i know a number of pregnant women at present, or perhaps it's something that I've been thinking about for years is finally done marinating in my brain.
Having a rather unique name myself, I never ran into the problem as a kid finding out that I wasn't the only Tamsen in the world. Now I know that I am not the only Tamsen in existence, but our numbers certainly are few. I sometimes wondered as a child why my parents chose me specifically to be the one with my name, and wondered why they weren't as adventurous with naming the rest of my sisters.
I suppose I didn't really recognize the importance of a name until a few years back. It seems as it would be logical to sat hat everyone has a story behind their name, but more often than not it is only kids with funky names get asked about the origins. I believe that this is where my journey started in my fascination with names--when I moved to college and had to tell my story over and over again.
For my parents, each of my siblings names has a meaning behind it for one reason or another. My sisters-Sarah Jane, Kathryn Ann, and Megan Ingelore, are all partially named after family members. I'm the lone wolf in that sense-I'm named after a historical figure who is in no way a relation.
Mom and Dad named me after Tamsen Donner, a woman who left a legacy of faithfulness and courage. Refusing to leave her husband on his deathbed when an early winter snowed their pioneering party into the Sierra Nevadas, she sent her children on to safety, knowing that she would meet her end that winter, either from cold or starvation. Tamsen would never see them again; she took her marriage vows literally and refused to part from her husband until death. Literally. It was my parent's hope that in naming me after such a strong and loyal woman, that I might have similar characteristics as my namesake. I'm not married quite yet, but I do believe that part of the loyalty and faithfulness I have read about has rubbed off on me; both in hearing the story so many times growing up as well as telling it to others as an adult. When new acquaintances ask for the story behind my name, I am reminded of the hope my parents had for me, and that it becomes more and more a part of me each time it is told.
Looking Biblicly at names, we see that they are extremely important. They show family lineage, tribes, and race, all of which are very important to Jewish tradition and culture at the time. I have heard that when a son was born, his name was not revealed until the day of his circumcision, eight days after birth. This supposedly was done so that the parents could watch and observe their child, to see what type of character they have and to name them something that was fitting.
There are a few times in both the Old and the New Testament where we see God make a few changes in regards to people's names. I particularly like these instances, because it shows us that God changes us to our core, that we are so radically different that we need a new name. We see Abram go to Abraham, Jacob to Israel, Simon to Peter, and Paul to Saul. This list isn't everyone who gets a name change, but you get the picture. I think what I like most about these instances is that God re-names people after he changes their hearts in big ways. Abram goes from a moon-worshiping pagan to the father of the Nation of Israel. God calls him out into the desert to follow him, and Abram proves faithful, even after being asked to sacrifice his only son, whom God has promised lineage. Abraham's trust in God's provision is astounding! God meets Abram in big ways here--he is given a new identity as one who follows the One True God, and also is given a new name to seal the deal (not to mention descendants outnumbering the stars or anting).
Jacob has been given the name that means deceiver, and he has live up to his namesake for the first few decades o his life. He deceived his father out of giving the correct son the blessing, as well as sneakily gaining his brother's birthright for a bowl of stew. But God continues to pursue him, until one day the tables turn and Jacob decides to pursue God. Jacob literally wrestles with either and angel or God himself before crossing over the Jordan one night. Upon being asked what he is contending for, Jacob demands a blessing from the Lord. His request is granted, and he walks away a changed man, both literally and figuratively. A blessing was given, a new name was chosen for him, and Jacob (now Israel) would be left to walk with a limp for the rest of his life. Changed forever, there was a physical sign of his wrestling with God, as well as a symbolic one.
When people meet God in real ways, he changes things around. He moves around the furniture in our house, he dusts off the cobwebs, and ushers the skeletons out of our closets. When we are wooed out of our sinfulness and into the glorious wonder of his love, we cannot help but to be changed into something else. As we turn our eyes further and further from ourselves and towards the redemption of the Cross, we become new creatures. Much like a caterpillar is no longer the same after it emerges from the cocoon, so is the repentant heart after it is washed by the blood of Christ. We cannot return to inching along as the worm does, but we take on the new identity that the Lord has given us in Jesus and take hold of our new found freedom from sin. When God calls me by name, I cannot help but to answer. And when he calls me Daughter, I know truly that I am his.

Adventures in the North Country

I like to try to mix up all the writing with some photos every now and then. This is one of the now times.



I went hiking with some friends a few weeks ago and found this little gem hiding in a hunk of tree moss.



This is also from hiking. I'm not sure what all the PVC pipe is doing in the middle of a state park, but it made for an interesting photograph.



Lichen. When I was a kid, my family and I were camping somewhere along the coast I think and we were on a hike that had a self-guided tour through the redwoods. I had the pamphlet that told us what all the number posts were there for, and I kept on reading lichen (like-en) as litchen. I learned the correct pronunciation simply to steer clear of more teasing from my sisters.



This is from the Exploratoriumin San Francisco. We went for our friend's birthday, and I found the light section of it quite appealing.



This is from the Observation Deck in the deYoung Museum in San Francisco. It is much like Coit Tower, one can see all parts of the city and bay. Its beautiful on a clear day! You can see all the way to Mt. Diablo if it is clear enough.



This is my friend Kali staring out at all the little ant people below.



Walking around at Sea Ranch.



I think I'll call this one Yellow Leaf on Red Brick. So original.

Until we meet again!

Picking My Brain

Here are some of my most recent (and very random) thoughts:

-I refuse to dress like its spring until Spring really decides that it wants come to stay. It has been beautiful in Rohnert Park this past week until today. Overcast and cloudy. Boo for April showers. I'm ready for the SUN!

-Part of me wants to be a pirate. It seems like an exciting job. No day would ever repeat itself. Danger, adventure, and the seven seas. What more could you ask for?

-I quite enjoy waking up on Saturdays with a mind to make waffles for my roommates, only to walk out in the kitchen and find that one of my dears has already started the process!

-Classical music is something that I have overlooked for far too long. For the past couple of months I've been listening to Handel's Messiah almost nonstop. I highly recommend trying it out. But you need to look up the scripture references too. It makes it that much better.

-It seems like whenever people as of last have been asking me what is next in life, I nonchalantly say, "Lord knows." Then more often than not, they reply with, "Well, he does!" I haven't been saying this in a I'm-throwing-my-hands-up-because-I'm-tired-of-people-asking-me-about-this type of way, I truly do believe that He does know. Its just that its my turn to seek out what He is leading me into. He knows at this point, its me who is still trying to figure it out, all in a very good way.

Comfort

Whenever I find myself confused and lacking direcion, I seem to find much comfort in the Psalms. this is where I've been spending quite a bit of time recently, and I would like to share with you one in particular. David penned this one thousands of years ago, and I still find in incredible that something that ole can pull my heart so much. May you be blessed as you read this.

Psalm 25

To thee, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in thee I put my trust, let me not be put to shame, let not my enemies exult over me.
Yea, let none that wait for thee be put to shame, let them be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.
Make me to know thy ways, O Lord, teach me thy paths.
Lead me in thy truth, and teach me, for thou art the God of my salvation; for thee I wait all the day ling.
Be mindful of thy mercy, O Lord, and of thy steadfast love, fir they have been from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth, or my transgressions; according to thy steadfast love remember me, for thy goodness' sake, O Lord!
Good and upright is the Lord, therefore he instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches he humble his way.
All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.
For thy name's sake, O Lord, pardon my guilt, for it is great.
who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will he instruct in the way he should choose.
He himself should abide in prosperity, and his children shall possess the land.
The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.
My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet from the net.
Turn thou to me, and be gracious to me; for I am lonely and afflicted.
Relieve the troubles of my heart, and bring me out of my distress.
Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins.
Consider how many are my foes, and with what violent hatered they hate me.
Oh guard my life, and deliver me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in thee.
May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for thee.
Redeem Israel, O God, out of all his troubles.

The Gospel That I Am Fearful Of

I had a quick conversation with a good friend of mine tonight. She was giving me a ride to my car, so the ride only lasted a grand total of about 4 minutes.

I was telling her about the six World Vision staff members who were killed in Pakistan today, lamenting not only the loss of life, but also how easily I forget that the Gospel asks us to do hard things.

Then she says, "Yeah, sometimes I'm fearful of what it's asking me to do. I am afraid of what its asking me to give up. Like giving my money just isn't enough; like God is asking for my time as well."

Sometimes I don't like the gospel, because it means me admitting, facing, and repenting of my sin. I fear the surgeon's scalpel that looms over me, knowing the tumor is fateful, and yet more fearful of what the pain will be or how life will be like living without it. I feel with my friend, I find it so easy to fear what God is asking me to give up, forgetting that he is Good, forgetting that it is him alone that is worthy to follow. We must be willing to face the knife in order to get well.

I've found that saying yes to Jesus means saying no to a lot of other things. I often default to the story of the rich young ruler in Mark 10. Upon being asked what it takes to inherit eternal life, Jesus lists off some of the 10 Commandments. Insuring Jesus that he has followed these commands since birth, the ruler thinks he is in. But to his despair, Jesus tells him, "You lack one thing; go, sell what you have, and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me" (Mark 10:21). Never explicitly does Jesus say what the idol is in Mark's account, but we can clearly see that Jesus, the man, and others around him understand the implication of the request. Lacking only one thing--a true love for God. Money has become this man's god, and Jesus wants his place back on the throne.

Asking how to inherit eternal life is a dangerous thing. We lose our lives in doing so. But eventually we gain a better one. Its a gamble I believe to be worth risking. But in doing so, Jesus will continue to look at us, love us, and call out our sin.

Will we walk away sorrowful, or will we weep for joy at the grace we've found?

Is There Really Good News About Injustice?

(I know I stole the title from Gary A. Haugen, its just a good one!)

Well, Reader, in short, the answer is yes. I read recently that there are over 2,000 verses in the Bible concerning poverty and justice. Oh how closely are they linked! Does not the heart of God mourn over injustice? Is it not that the Spirit leads our hearts into conviction over what is wrong? Did not the Son weep and die for the sins of people?

What is the good news? God absolutely abhors it. The book of Amos in itself is almost entirely about God's anger against the injustice that he sees in his people. The poor are trampled upon (5:11), the needy have been crushed (4:1), and in all of these atrocities, the nation as a whole still continues to be prideful (6:8).

The Spirit of God speaks through Amos, condemning the hypocrisy that God sees. "I hate, I despise your feasts, and I take no delight in your solemn assemblies. Even though you offer me your burnt offerings and cereal offerings, I will not accept them, and the peace offerings of your fatted beast I will not look upon. Take away from me the noise of your songs; to the melody of your harps I will not listen. But let justice roll down like waters, and the righteousness like an ever flowing stream" (5: 21-25).

God doesn't just want my lip service. He doesn't just want my money once in a while. He doesn't just want me to go about life as if in a zoo, look at poverty and injustice only to study and be amazed for a while only to move onto "more exciting" issues, he wants me to become a part of the change. This is the good news: I serve a God who cares for the needy, the poor, the widow and the orphan, who desires all to know Him. He is ever day inviting all of humanity into the glorious redemption of our souls, to do justice, love mercy, and to walk humbly with him.

It sounds nice, but it means giving up a lot of things that we have become accustomed to. Will we be ready to become the ones who bring justice to people who want keep others oppressed? Will we be willing to go forth into a land where you can be killed for the sake of the Gospel? Will we continually be looking for ways to serve a God who calls us to do good things concerning injustice at our own expense?

I think it may be worth it. I haven't much to complain about yet...but perhaps it is because I haven't been risking enough.

Thanks to the Invisible Children organization for reminding me of the good news.

The Process of Elimination...

In trying to discover what the rest of my life has for me career-wise, I have decided to come up with a list of things that I am almost certain will not happen. Not to say that they never never never will or that God can't do incredible things, but I don't think these are on the list.

-Cake Decorator. For our student leadership Christmas party, I was put in charge of making the cupcakes. We had decided to be creative and place them on the table like a Christmas tree, with some being green for the tree, some brown for the trunk, and purple and yellow ones for the ornaments. One of the other staff members had purchased the mixes and the ingredients to make butter-cream frosting from scratch, as well as telling me how to do it a couple of days before. I thought to myself, "Awesome! I love this job. By far the best one to have. Its going to be a piece of cake."
Yeah right! Butter-cream frosting and I did not agree. It was too runny, the butter did not cream with the sugar, and the brown for the tree trunk actually did look like a tree trunk! The texture was all wrong and definitely not smooth like real frosting should be. One of the students, bless her heart, came up to me and asked how I made the brown ones actually look like real trees! Cake decorating--OUT.

-Racecar Driving. Scary drivers do precisely that-scare me! Why on earth would want to ever go that fast?

-A Therapist. For part of the student leadership training before the spring semester, we had the entire staff and leadership team take a spiritual gifts test that we got from a huge church somewhere in the Midwest. I scored high on a number of things, but when it came down to the gift of Mercy, I only had one out of twelve. Machiavelli, apparently I agree with you. Better to be feared than to be loved.

-Someone who Works at a Plant Nursery. Within the past six months, I have effectively killed three orchids, and soon a poinsettia will be on the list as well. Rest in peace, plants. I tried to love you well. On a better note, my "money tree" is thriving, thanks to the fact that I only really need to water it once a month (also thanks to Shannon, my wonderful friend who bought it upon my graduation!).

-A Wedding Coordinator. I love a good wedding just as much as the next person, but after seeing four within a span of six weeks, you get a little tired out. And they can be stressful!! Never mess with a bride on her wedding day. She will not like jokes until after the ceremony is done and she has had something to eat. I think the extent of my sympathy for a stressed bride would be to throw a granola bar in her general direction and tell her to check her teeth before she takes the pictures.