Men, Which Number Are You?

So I found this and I just HAD to post it. Laugh yourself out of the chair please!


This is Kate and I (as you can clearly see through the Hello Kitty lunchboxes).

Top 15 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife

1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. - (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

2. Find a prostitute and marry her. - (Hosea 1:1-3)

3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock - Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. - Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you. - Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of hard labor for a wife. - Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. - David (I Samuel 18:27)

9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) - Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. - Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." - Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though). - David (2 Samuel 11)

13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) - Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. - Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

15. A wife?...NOT! - Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

Being Broken

Near the end of the semester I attended a campus event called Take Back the Night. It was a sexual assault awareness night, where anyone could go up and talk about what had happened to them. It was an open mic for sorrows.
Near the end, a young woman from the row in front of me stood up and walked to the front. As she turned around to face the crowd, you would see the animal-like rage that was in her heart. She was angry at the world, angry at herself, angry at the men who had mistreated her. She told us on three separate accounts in which she was abused and let herself be abused. After the last story, she cried aloud through her tears, "I'm so tired of being broken. I just want to be fixed!"
This event was the most depressing thing I've ever been to. Women would talk about their assault in front of 300 strangers, but they would not confide in a friend. They would swear by their counselors and psychologists, and all the while still proclaiming their brokenness. What they need is not psychotherapy or an "outlet" to pour their anger and hurt into, they need God.
Psalm 5:17 says, "The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." These women were broken. They were broken past the point of all healing unless it came from the Father. I think what saddened me the most is that many of them would reject this fact. Counselors and psychologists can only go so far. They cannot pierce the soul. The healing that they bring is only a temporary fix for an eternal problem.
This sends me to reflect on my own life and sinful nature. How often have I done the same, turning away from the God who loves me? How often do I feel with the author of the hymn as he cries, "Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love!" How far I wander off the narrow and straight. It is only when we eat a large portion of the humble pic and admit that we were wrong that peace and growth can flow from the broken ground. It is only when we admit that Christ is Lord that true everlasting healing will come.