Happy Mardi Gras, People.

Yes, Lent starts tomorrow.
No, I'm not going to stay up all night doing the thing that I've decided to give up.
I'm convinced that Lent has turned into simply an excuse to party on a Tuesday.
I didn't grow up in a church that participated in Lent and didn't really have a chance to experience it for myself until my freshman year of college. Even then, I didn't really do it for the sake of giving up something for God, I did it because one of my roommates was Catholic and wanted to try out a bit of church tradition for myself.
Either way, I've decided to keep participating in Lent ever since, but my attitude around it has changed. As far as I understand it, Lent is supposed to be a time (40 days) that you spend in sacrifice of one thing or another that has the chance to lead you away from the Lord. Its an extended period of fasting, but not necessarily from food. My first Lent I somehow convinced a whole bunch of people to give up drinking all liquids save water, which was really hard since I was (and still am) addicted to tea and the chocolate milk in the cafeteria. Sophomore year I gave up bad posture (this was an inspiration from my friend Robbie, he always has immaculate posture). I don't even remember what I gave up last year. But this year I think things will be different.
I'm giving up being busy. I do a lot of things. Not necessarily that they are bad things, but I can get stressed out and forget to rest. We see that rest is a common thing in the Bible, and God even mandates it in one of the Ten Commandments (remember something about the Sabbath? Day of rest? Oh yeah!). I think this is a way that God wants his people to be well taken care of. If we were to just go running around like a chicken with it's head cut off all the time, then we would forget the Lord's goodness and how he cares for us.
So instead of purposefully forgetting to put things on my to-do list, I've decided that I will try to make it more manageable and stop looking at it every hour of the day. I've been learning recently that if we really want God to be moving in our relationships and growing us and others, then we need to have time in our schedules for God to "interrupt" our plans. We should welcome any divine inconvenience that comes our way.
So happy Mardi Gras, and an even happier Lent. May the Lord Jesus Christ bless His people!

"Return, O my soul, to your rest; for the LORD has dealt bountifully with you!" Psalm 116:7

Meditate Please.

Richard Wurmbrand writes:
"Learn to read the Bible slowly, breathing rhythmically, with pauses to put in the correct accents. In this way you can immerse yourself in the spirit in which the Bible was written, and thus be able to participate in the Oneness which is its essence" (100 Prison Meditations).
How foolish I've been! For years I've expected my daily fulfilment of the Word to come from the five minutes I read while eating my cereal in the morning. I've been reading the Bible all wrong.
The Word gives instruction on itself. One must sit, think, reflect, and meditate on the words of the LORD. Psalm 1 says, "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners;, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night (vs 1,2).
Pretty sure the last time I meditated on the Word was...um...never.
Sure, I've read some of it over multiple times, studied it, pulled out my Bible dictionary and commentary in hopes of understanding it better. Instead I've cultivated a habit of laziness and spiritual poverty. I've cheated myself of the very thing that brings me closer to Him.
I used to wonder why, when reading of conversion stories in the New Testament, my soul has been so unmoved. Certainly I have experienced this joy and redemption for myself, but why has it not moved me to tell others? Often I've marveled at the story of the Samaritan woman at the well. She experiences Jesus once and tell s the whole town. John recounts this story in his gospel: "Many Samaritans from that city believed in him because of the woman's testimony...(4.39).
Have I not felt the same spirit pull my wicked soul from the depths of Sheol? Have I not too been redeemed? How much more her faith is than mine!
I have been unmoved because I have refused to meditate on the precepts of the LORD. I have expected my cup to be filled with living water, all the while forgetting to dip it into the well.

This is from December! Oops.

I was going through my journal and realized that I hadn't posted this. I think its good, so here it is!

As I reflect back on the past few weeks, I started to realize that I've been crying a lot. Its not because I've been upset or sad, but because I've been grateful for the ways the LORD has been moving in my life. Time and time again the LORD's goodness has overwhelmed me and I cannot hold back the tears.
How good He is to us all! He loves us for who we are, the wretched sinner who everyday betrays her Beloved. I mourn over my sin and weep with gladness at the forgiveness I've found. The LORD is a God of redemption and love, punishing me with grace. In no way do I deserve any of the things which He so abundantly gives. I run and I struggle, kick against the goads, only to find they are keeping me on the narrow and straight. When I see my wounds, He is there to bandage them. When I sin, He is ready to forgive. When I run away, He waits eagerly for my return.
Praise be to God for the forgiveness of sin and redemption of souls! Shout His name with gladness, for His steadfast love is great!

Dear Fellow Blog Stalkers

Hello Friends,

I know its been a while since I've posted last, don't worry, good things will be coming soon. I just need some more time to think about all the things I want to say! I have a running list of topics I want to write on, they are just spending some time marinating at the moment. So for your fun and enjoyment, here are some facts about myself.

1. I have three sisters and we all have blue eyes. So do both our parents.
2. I love being a nerd.
3. I find useless trivia to be one of the best things ever. Also hyperbole.
4. I work at the front desk of the Administration and Finance office at SSU. The full time receptionist, Susan, also sits up here with me. She plays the same online radio station every day. Smooth jazz. Too bad they only have 12 songs that they play over and over and over...
5. I often enjoy asking people to tell me something I don't know when there is a lull in the conversation...its fun to see what they come up with!
6. Even though I am an English major, I really don't know a lot about grammar or have an extensive vocabulary. These are things I am working on.
7. Beverly Hills 90210 is one of my guilty pleasures. Also listening to Beyonce (please don't judge me).
8. I didn't learn how to spell the word "vacuum" until my sophomore year in college. Oops!
9. I don't like eating bananas plain but I really do enjoy them in other food (bread, pancakes, milkshakes, etc.)
10. My favorite punctuation mark is the parentheses.
11. I like to go to bed earlier than the normal college student (10.30 or 11) and then wake up earlier as well (sleeping in is 8).
12. I truly enjoy sarcasm, but my favorite type of humor is wit because it is subtle and you have to pay attention to get it.
13. I quite enjoy going to museums. It doesn't really matter what it is about, I mostly go to art museums.
14. I love Jesus.
15. My favorite comfort foods are biscuit goodie and stinky cheese casserole. Wright family favorites!
16. Cooking is one of my favorite things to do.
17. As much as I know this is completely against any sort of 21st century "I am woman hear me roar" type of thinking, I would love to be a housewife.
18. Aesthetics are extremely important to me. Sometimes I think I'm shallow because of this.
19. I'm completing this thing at work. I get paid to do this. I also get paid to go on adventures with Katelynn (one of the other student assistants). One of our favorite things to do when things are really slow is to sneak off to the Pub on campus and fetch nachos.
20. I really like to write. Sometimes I just sit around and think of cool titles for things and hope that something will come up from that. More often than not I just have a list of cool titles hanging around my desk/journal waiting to be written.
21. I will drive all the way from Rohnert Park CA to go to Leatherby's Ice Cream Parlor. It has been done on several occasions.
22. I really enjoy making strange faces at my friends. But the best thing is when they respond with an equally strange face.
23. I want to be someone who gives away most of the money they make off of their career.
24. I say the word "fabulous" far too much.
25. I am an unashamed blog stalker. Also I stalk people on Facebook. Its just a sign of affection.

Thank You, Oswald.

I came across this Oswald Chambers quote today:

Sanctification means being made one with Jesus so that the disposition that ruled Him will rule us. It will cost everything that is not of God in us.

I've heard that God desires all of us. I believe this to be true, as we find in scripture that He is a jealous God. When we fully give ourselves to Him, it does cost everything of us. Our entire being must be forfeited at the foot of the Cross, willing to give ourselves completely to the One who created and loves us. When we drop to our knees in repentance and thankfulness, we must not let pride get in the way of the Lord having His way with us. We cannot tell the Lord, "Oh no, my shame is too great for you. My feet are too dirty, you cannot wash them."

Peter has a similar instance with Jesus at the Last Supper in John 13:

Then He poured water into the basin, and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. So He came to Simon Peter. He said to Him, "Lord, do You wash my feet?" Jesus answered and said to him, "What I do you do not realize now, but you will understand hereafter." Peter said to Him, "Never shall You wash my feet!" Jesus answered him, "If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me" (vs. 5-8).

We cannot ever be too stained to be remedied by the cleansing blood of the Lamb. It may cost us everything, but it is worth losing it all. The Kingdom of God costs everything, and at the same time is worth everything.

(In)Significance

This is something that I wrote during finals week but just decided to post.

It definitely was one of those days. Cold, rainy, finals week, gray. I felt so insignificant.
Having no finals, I volunteered my day to go into work for some extra hours, welcoming the extra money. But instead of sitting at home with nothing to do, I sat at a desk all day instead. Sure, I watered the plethora of poinsettias in the office, did minimal filing and answered a few phone calls, but the majority of my day was spent doing nothing of significance.
It was four thirty and time to go home. Joyfully I walked out of the office, looking forward to the time I was going to spend at home with my roommates. It was my night to cook and I was making a Wright Family specialty, Stinky Cheese Casserole. Right as I was about to throw it all in the casserole dish to cook, my phone rang.
A local number came up, urgently screaming for my attention. Resisting the urge to silence my phone and not answer, I picked up. It was Kelly, the older brother of the young man I tutor. He was wondering if I was coming in today, he was under the impression that I was going to be there at five; it was now forty-five minutes later. Racking my brain for any solid conversation with his mom the week earlier, I explained to Kelly that I was supposed to come in only if the needed me and was waiting for a call. Frazzled by the miscommunication and slightly frustrated, I told him that I would be there in twenty minutes.
Oh, how I did not want to go! I was looking forward to a quiet evening at home when I could read and go to bed early. So against my plans was what was being thrown in front of me!
As I drove to their house, I prayed that God would grant me an extra measure of patience. Knowing that I was tired and easily irritable, it was not the best time for me to engage in something demanding.
I arrived and Keegan was already sitting at his computer waiting for me. His assignment was out on his desk and he was staring intently at the words on the page. I hope he's focused today, I though to myself as I sat down. I don't know if I can handle it if he isn't.
Just my luck, for the first half hour Keegan was easily agitated, distracted, and panicked. The cerebral palsy acts up when the weather is cold outside and was giving him an extremely hard time today. His muscles contracted in his arms and pulled them close to his chest, his jaw pulled open wide and his breath happened in harsh-sounding gasps. It is a hard thing to watch when you know that you can do nothing to stop the pain you see in his eyes. The muscles contorted in ways that he did not intend. His hands were raw from unintentional biting, his fingers curling up into unbearably tight fists.
All I can do is watch. I try to encourage him to take deep breaths as he stares at me with wide eyes, undoubtedly thinking that if only he could control his breathing in a moment like this he would. But no words come out, only heavy, uncontrolled breathing. No words have ever come out, only very basic vowel sounds and yells of protests come from him, contributable to the advanced palsy.
Finally he calms down enough to focus and write his last rearing response for the semester. At this point I am already tired and my patience is wearing thinner every moment. I ask the Lord for more, and graciously the Lord lends me some.
We finish the assignment and I leave to go home. The radio gets turned off in the car as I drive down their street. I sigh loudly and start to pray. I tell the Lord of how worthless my day was, how I did nothing, how I produced nothing, how insignificant I was on the whole. As my thoughts formed into words spoken aloud to my Creator, my eyes welled up with tears. "Why, Lord? I've lived another day and yet have nothing to show for it. I've done nothing!"
I remembered James's words to the Jewish bretheren who were scattered abroad: Rejoice! If one was happy , rejoice; if one was mourning, rejoice; giving thanks to God in all circumstances. Desiring this in my own heart, I turned from the "woe is me" mindset to one that was thankful.
I remembered the ways in which the Lord redeems and loves me every moment I live, how He paid to set me free, how He loves me. I remember that He has adopted me as a daughter of grace, inviting me to sit at the table where I don't belong. When I am in the full love of the Lord, I cannot see my brokenness. Not one is insignificant to the Lord.

This is What Happens on Christmas Eve

Well, it has officially started. One of my best friends and roommates for the past four years(!) has gotten herself engaged!
Danielle Stanton will sometime (hopefully within the next year) become Mrs. Brian Swanson. Woo hoo! I can't wait to be a part of their life together. Many blessings on the future Swanson family!

The happy couple

Brian's stellar choice in rings

For Your Viewing Enjoyment

Here are some pictures from some of my adventures this past semester! Hope you enjoy them.

Attributes

The summer before I moved to college I worked at a stationery store called Papyrus with my sister Kate a girl named Tarissa. We remained friends for a short time afterwards and kept in contact via email. I haven't heard from Tarissa in ages, but whether she knows it or not she has profoundly influenced me in ways I have a hard time describing.
In one of these long-ago emails, she had mentioned something about choosing an attribute of God to focus on for a year. Each year she would pick a new one and try to gain more insight and practice into that specific characteristic. I thought this was a great idea and have been doing it since (I think).
My first attribute was courage. I hear often from various people and sources that the most often-repeated commandment in the Bible is to fear not or some variation of it. So I spent a year on courage, learning when to speak and when to hold my tongue, when to act and when to wait. It takes courage to listen to the Lord and seek discernment and then to do what He has lead you into. Following after Jesus takes courage.
My second attribute was faithfulness, to constantly say yes to the things that the Lord has called me to be faithful to. Relationships, friendships, reading my Bible, praying, my studies, resting, finding counsel, being counsel for others, leading with InterVarsity, serving and loving those around me. It has been teaching me to be selfless while still caring for myself and doing my best to rest well and find the rest that Psalm 23 talk about.
So for the Year of Our Lord 2009, I will be choosing the attribute of generosity. Its something that the Lord has been placing on my heart for the past couple of months and has always been something that I've admired in others. I've heard that the patterns that people develop in college will most likely stay with them throughout the rest of their lives, so we better start practicing them now. It definitely is something that I want my life to be marked by. Pray that I learn it well.

All Right, I'll Do It.

Amanda tagged me. I'm not exactly sure if there is something I'm supposed to write in particular, so I'll just write whatever the heck I want.

1. I'm supposed to be writing an astronomy research paper right now. I have all the research done, waiting on my computer for me to transfer it into something manageable and non-plagiarized. I have the first two paragraphs done, and I was on the NASA website and then got distracted... Oh blogs.

2. I love being a nerd. I think it runs in the family. If you have ever met anyone else in the Wright Family, you will know why I am the way I am. We are all knowledge junkies, we love trivia, and often have useless tidbits of information to spout off at any time. The name of Paul Revere's horse? Brown Beauty. The place where Jeb Steward was shot? The Yellow Tavern. The first First Lady to appear on television? Betty Ford. And much, much more.

3. I really like recycling. And I hate bottled water. Why bottle something and sell it for 1000000 times the price it really costs you to produce it when consumers can actually get perfectly fine water that is drinkable and won't cause them bowel issues right out of their taps at home? Not to mention the amount of energy and waste that goes into making those dumb bottles. Just get a Sigg or a Kleen Kanteen. Spend 20 bucks on one and it lasts you literally years, and can save you a lot of moolah in the long run.

4. I sometimes laugh like a machine gun. Short, loud, and obnoxious, I get this from my dad. I look like him and laugh like him. We both wear glasses. My BFF Shannon sometimes makes guns with her fingers and pretends like she is shooting things when I laugh. This only makes me laugh harder.

5. I love Jesus. I think most people know this, but its just fun to say sometimes. I LOVE JESUS!

6. I have nothing more to say at the moment.

People I'd like to tag who probably won't do it:

ASBO Jesus

Aimee Brammer

The Sartorialist

My Sister Kate

Juliann Perkins